Swim Lessons for Littles

Let's talk about swim lessons for infants & toddlers - are they worth it?

Last week I was at the public library with my toddler and another mom overheard me tell him that we would have to leave for swim lessons in a few minutes. This prompted a conversation about if swim lessons are worth the money, and I thought this may be a topic a lot of people are interested in.

The short answer: It depends on what you are expecting and hoping your child gets out of the lessons. It also depends on where you go for swim lessons.

Did you know that drowning is the single leading cause of injury death for children ages 1 to 4?

The American Academy of Pediatrics recently updated its recommendations to suggest that swim lessons can be one tool parents can use to help reduce drowning. They state that research on swim lessons in the 1 - 4 years age group has shown that swim lessons can be helpful to reduce drowning. BUT (and this is a big BUT) - even with swim lessons, even if your little one seems to swim like a fish, they MUST be supervised by a responsible adult at all times in the water.

That being said, Harvard Health states that children cognitively do not have the skills to swim until around age 4.

What to Expect says that not all young children are ready for swim lessons (emotionally, developmentally, and physically). So if you are unsure, ask your pediatrician and they can help you decide.

We did swim lessons when he was about 10 months old and we are currently doing them again at 20 months. On this second go around, I realized that I selectively remembered our previous experience because being back at the same location reminded me that I said I would not do swim lessons here again.

First, let's discuss expectations:

At 10 months I just wanted to get him used to being in a pool and have fun. At 20 months, I found myself frustrated that he was not gaining more skills. So reality check, most swim lessons for infants and toddlers are going to focus on parent and child having fun in the water together. That being said, as we go more to swim lessons, I do find he is getting more comfortable and learning some basics in the water (I just needed to be patient!

So if you are looking to increase your child's comfort and have fun in the water with them, swim lessons are probably going to be a good investment for you. On the other hand, you may feel you can do this and teach some basic water safety yourself.

I would just caution you to not expect your little one to learn to swim at swim lessons at this young age.

Second, let's discuss swim programs:

There are some programs that may teach more skills than others, so you will want to do your research before signing up and spending money on swim lessons. I know I will ask the following questions before I pay for any more swim lessons:

1. What type of swimming curriculum is utilized? What skills are taught and how?

2. If they have a reluctant child in the class, how would they handle that?

3. How warm is the water? (According to the AAP, the water should be heated to 87 to 94 degrees for children under 3).

4. Does the class promote general water safety?

5. Do instructors have the children put their heads underwater? (When children are really little, they should not put their heads underwater because they could easily swallow too much water and get water poisoning (What to Expect).)

I did not ask these questions and I believe they have had an impact on our experience. The swim lessons we have attended are open for ages 6 months - 3 and everyone is taught the same curriculum. As parents, we know that a 6-month-old is vastly different than a 3-year-old in what they can do and understand (this may be an understatement). In our first couple of weeks, my son was slow to warm up to the instructor and being in the water and I felt the instructors had no strategies to help him feel more comfortable and to get engaged. The water is cold at the location we attend, so he is shivering instead of thinking about swimming. Finally, swim lessons alone do not prevent a child from drowning, so it is important they learn general water safety to be as safe as possible (Parents.com)

You also want to be sure you look for these basic requirements when choosing where to sign up for swim lessons (What to Expect & Harvard Health):

• The swim instructor should be well trained and experienced (if it's their first time teaching, they should be under the supervision of a more experienced teacher).

• The swim instructor must be certified in CPR and First Aid

• Classes should teach personal safety, general water safety, stroke development,

• Your child should not be using a life jacket or floaties during swim lessons or the lessons should reduce reliance on them throughout the course

• The environment and pool MUST be safe

• You want the child-to-teacher ratio to be as low as possible - all children should be able to be within arm's reach

While I haven't loved our swim lesson experience and I hope this information can help you find a better experience, I do feel Parker has benefitted from swim lessons. Last week, when I brought him to the side of the pool, he was able to completely pull himself out by himself. And he is getting more comfortable, so there is not as much fear. I know I will be doing more research and asking more questions before I sign him up again.

For my family, I believe swim lessons are worth it. However, I need to better research the programs in my community.

Just remember no matter what, your children must be supervised by a responsible adult at all times when near water.

Remember, you got this mama! You are doing a great job!

10 Reasons My Son Sleeps 12 Hours Every Night

I know sleep can be a controversial and sensitive subject among parents. So I would like to start with: Every child is different and every family is different, you have to do what works best for you and your family to get your little one to sleep. If your child is not sleeping currently, I recommend giving sleep training a shot - read below for more information.

Sleep Requirements

Sleep is critically important for our children - they are developing rapidly and they NEED sleep. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, children need the following sleep requirements:

• Ages 4-12 months: 12-16 hours (including naps)

• Ages 1-2 years: 11-14 hours (including naps)

• Ages 3-5 years: 10-13 hours (including naps)

• Age 6-12 years: 9-12 hours

• Age 13-18 years: 8-10 hours

Negative Outcomes from Lack of Sleep

In fact, the American Academy of Pediatrics shares that the following negative health and behavior outcomes are associated with not meeting these sleep requirements:

• Problems with attention

• Behavior problems

• Learning problems

• Increases the risk of accidents & injuries

• Increases the risk for diabetes, obesity, and hypertension

• Increases the risk of depression and mental health problems.

Sleep Training

I will not say that sleep training is easy in the beginning, but it is 100% worth it. It is worth it because I know my child is getting the sleep he needs for development and to be healthy. It is worth it because we can sleep well at night knowing he will go back to sleep if he wakes up.

There are a number of different sleep training methods out there and I encourage you to find the one that works best for you and your family. If you have not already, speak with your pediatrician and see what they recommend. My family uses Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Marc Weissbluth and it fully worked for us. Parker generally sleeps from 6 PM to 6 AM, and it is lovely.

Here is the thing, sleep training is harder on the parents than it is on the baby. Your baby will be fine, it is okay for them to cry, and they absolutely NEED sleep.

Key Points of Sleep Training (Following the Weissbluth Method):

Here are some of my key takeaways from sleep training and from Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby:

1. Consistency is key, babies thrive with a structured routine

As we got into this routine, we could see that Parker was adapting to it and thriving. He is tired by 6:00 every night and because he has a set routine, it is often more problematic to keep him up late. He knows what to expect each night and so we do - this is very nice and works so well for us.

2. Watch for signs your child is sleepy and listen to this as a form of communication

When Parker gets sleepy, he rubs his eyes - this is a clear sleep signal from him and has been since he was really little. Watch for your child's sleep signals as a way for them to tell you they need to sleep.

3.Have a bedtime routine you use every night, it signals to your child that it is time to sleep

Since Parker came home from the hospital, we have had the same bedtime routine. We go into his room to put on pajamas (and a sleep sack when he used one), we brush his teeth (once old enough), we read a story together, and I sing him the same song every night (twice while holding him and once while in the crib), and then I say good night and leave the room. We do this every night and I 100% believe these activities signal to him that it is bedtime.

4. Sleep begets sleep - putting your child to bed later does not mean they will sleep later (often putting them to bed earlier will lead them to sleep later).

When he gets the sleep he needs, he sleeps better. On days when he becomes overly tired because he did not sleep well or missed a nap or had a short nap, he doesn't sleep as well and he fights going down to sleep.

5. Your child needs to learn to self-soothe.

Parker does wake up in the night pretty much every night at some point (even if it's just for a minute or two), but because we have done sleep training, he knows how to self-soothe. So we do not go into his room when he wakes up (even if he cries for a little bit) and he puts himself back to sleep.

6. It can be important to leave your child in the crib for a bit, even if they are crying

One of the big takeaways from meeting with a sleep consultant (see below) was that for napping a sleep cycle is roughly 45 minutes. So it is not uncommon for babies to wake up after 45 minutes, even though they need a longer nap. It was recommended to us that we leave Parker in his crib to self-soothe when he wakes after 45 minutes to attempt to connect sleep cycles. While it is hard to listen to him cry, this did work for us. He usually will fall back asleep and once we started doing this, eventually started taking longer naps.

Parker also sometimes wakes very early. I learned that going in before 6:00 AM will encourage him to wake up earlier and earlier. So if he woke up before 6:00, I started leaving him in his crib. Eventually, he started sleeping past 6:00 most days. The best part is, he seems to have gotten used to this wait time. So when he does wake up early, he usually just hangs out quietly in his crib - he might talk a bit but is generally not too upset - which gives me a chance to wake up and get up to get him at a reasonable time.

7. An overly tired child is not happy and neither are the parents

When Parker gets to that overtired stage, I notice that he has a lot less emotional regulation. He has meltdowns and gets upset easily, often over nothing. He will behave poorly more often than when he is well-rested. I find that neither of us are happy in these situations.

8. Parents may have to make sacrifices to make the sleep schedule work but is in the best interest of our sweet baby.

It is not always easy to put our son to sleep at 6 PM. Sometimes there are things we want to do after 6, we often want to spend more time with him after our workday, and we would love to have more family sit-down dinners, but these things are for us. Sleep is more important. So if there is something we want to do after 6 we get a babysitter (on rare occasions we will allow a late bedtime but this is the exception, not the rule). We try to be present and enjoy every minute we do get to spend together awake, and we keep in mind that bedtime will not always be at 6, so we will enjoy weeknights together more in the future. We often have to eat after bedtime because there is no time to get dinner made before - we just keep leftovers and different food for Parker to eat before he sleeps.

9. It takes time to train and there will be times when it has to be restarted, but it is better for everyone!

There are still nights occasionally when he doesn't sleep well. After vacations or illness, we might have to start the process over. But the vast majority of the time, he sleeps well. And while it is painful to listen to your child cry while you are going through this process, I honestly believe three things 1) He is okay, 2) He will not remember this or cause any long-term trauma, and 3) this is the best thing for him and getting sleep and being able to self-soothe will have long term impact.

10. Other parents (and grandparents) may have an issue with the schedule, but we do it because it is what is healthiest.

I have had other parents ask me if we have moved back his bedtime yet. We have friends with kids that will bring their kids out with us in the evening, while we have a babysitter. People may think it is a little odd that Parker is in bed by 6:00, but we pretty much ignore this. He is happy and so are we. We are lucky my family was accustomed to an early bedtime because my sister had already done this and they fully support us. My husband's family is also supportive. You may find that some are not, but just know you are doing what is best in the long run.

A Note About My Family's Experience:

I was lucky enough to have seen sleep training done successfully because my older sister successfully sleep-trained her two children. I saw that her kids were excellent sleepers (even as they got older) and I knew I would do the same with mine. So I read this book while pregnant and it is essentially my sleep bible. But that doesn't mean we never had trouble. When Parker was a few months old he went through a couple of month period where he would not take a nap (at all). I knew this was problematic. Our pediatrician (who I LOVE) said I might need to let him cry longer (the book says no longer than an hour) and she said that he may have learned that if he cries for an hour that someone will come to get him.

So I tried this - his (and my) record was 2.5 hours of crying (SCREAMING). Meanwhile, I am in the other room in tears myself because I am feeling like the absolute worse mom in the world and just hating hearing him cry for so long. After 2.5 hours I could not take it anymore - I figured I must be missing something. So I found Jamie Caldwell Sleep Consulting. We set up a video call and she collected information before our meeting so she would be prepared and we could use the time most effectively. She suggested that Parker needed an earlier bedtime and that would help him with his nap. Not too long after we implemented this, Parker started napping again.

Now Parker is a fighter, he fights sleep more than he doesn't even now - but because we have a set schedule and routine and he knows he can self-soothe he only fights it for a few minutes. He almost always gets the recommended sleep allotments. And he is a happy kid (and we are happy too!)

BONUS: Parker goes to bed at 6:00, which means we have time in the evenings to get things done around the house if needed. And we get adult time to watch TV/relax, have a more peaceful dinner, and so forth.

My husband and I both believe sleep training is critical to our lives. I know that this won't work for every family - and that is okay. But if you are desperate for your kid to sleep more, I recommend giving this a shot. If your kid is not getting the hours the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends, I recommend giving this a shot. Remember that lack of sleep is harmful to your child and so while it is not always easy, it is 100% worthwhile.

Remember Mama, you are doing a great job! You got this!

20 Delightful Date Night Ideas to Strengthen Your Marriage

I have found that for my marriage, my husband and I need date nights.

Last night, we went to our local community theatre's production of Clue and it was so much fun! The play itself was entertaining and I loved being able to support the arts in my local community. Additionally, the performers and theatre staff/volunteers were so awesome and so appreciative that we were there supporting them.

We have decided that date nights are one way we can make our relationship a priority amidst busy lives and parenting. Most of our date nights are comprised of dinner and an activity of some kind. We enjoy varying our dates nights each month, so we get to enjoy a variety of experiences together.

How and why we prioritize date night in our relationship:

One night a month we get a babysitter and go do something just the two of us. It is awesome and necessary. We would love to go more, but by the time you pay for the sitter, dinner, and entertainment, it gets expensive. So we have made our monthly date night a priority by working a date night line into our family budget.

It can be so difficult to find a trusted babysitter. Personally, I have felt that finding someone to watch the absolute most precious thing in the world to me is terrifying. It's hard not to think about all of the what-ifs. But we got lucky and have found an awesome sitter for our little one. My tip if you are looking for a great sitter is to ask friends/family/coworkers if they have someone they trust who might be willing to babysit for you as well. You can also try your childcare provider if applicable.

About a year ago, I realized that night that date night needed to be a regular occurrence because it gave me and my husband an opportunity to connect - uninterrupted adult time was glorious and we know we need to cultivate our relationship outside of the baby. We don't want to wake up one day and realize that the only thing that connects us is our child. For us, that means scheduling an intentional date night for just the two of us.

Since we only get to go out one night a month, we try to vary our plans. I find that these fun date nights connect us more than if we just do the same dinner out every time. So I'm sharing some of the great date activities we have done or have planned in the future. I hope you find something you and your significant other would love to do too!

Date Night Ideas

Every couple is different so think about what will give you and your significant other an opportunity to connect. It helps me to think about some things we liked to do before kids. A lot of the activities are things kids enjoy too but can be hard to really enjoy yourself when you are managing little ones.

You can also take turns planning date night!

1. Dinner and a movie - a classic, we don't do this very often, which makes it more fun when we do decide to go to the theater. I prefer the ones that have big cushy recliner chairs because if I am going to watch a movie I want to be comfy.

2. Minor League Baseball - We have lived in cities with fun minor league teams over the years we have been together. We have found these games to be fairly affordable, they often have good food, fun mascots, they try hard to make the games fun for everyone, and you can talk while watching sports and having a beer. Plus they have fun promotional nights!

3. Minor League hockey - Similar to the minor league baseball games, these can be so much fun. They often have fun promotional nights (including nights that support charities!)

4. Putt Putt/mini golf - my husband and I did this on our third date and then it kind of became our thing. We always have so much fun!

5. Concert - most recently my husband bought us tickets to Chris Stapleton, who sings our first dance song, as an anniversary gift. But I know there are a number of local venues in my community that have live music, and it's an affordable and fun date night.

6. Brewery & Board Games - pre-kid, we loved playing board games and we haven't played much recently. One night we went to a local brewery for dinner and then pulled out board games to play there. We had so much fun with this low-key activity and the brewery didn't mind because we kept buying drinks.

7. Bowling - This can be surprisingly fun, especially if you have a nice bowling alley. Have a friendly competition between you and your spouse, maybe grab a beer, and just relax and enjoy. If your bowling alley offers it, you can even play some arcade games after.

8. Arcade - my community has Dave and Buster's, a pinball arcade, and more. And it's a blast to just go play games without the responsibility of keeping up with your kid.

9. Top Golf/X-golf - if you have one in your area, this is a fun active date night even if golf is not your jam. These places gamify the experience so if you like to compete, it's a good time. The food and drinks are also pretty decent if you want to eat there.

10. Trivia Night- most of these are during the week in my experience, but if you can get out on a weeknight, it's so much fun! At one point in our relationship, my husband and I would do trivia weekly, so it was a blast to get to reconnect over something we used to do a lot. We also named our trivia team "parents night out," which many other participants seemed to appreciate.

11. Charity Event - we spent a lot of time in the NICU with Parker and we love to support this cause. They hold an annual fundraising event each year, and so we got to get dressed up and go support something important to us. We didn't really mind spending money on it because we knew it was supporting the cause. It also gave us a chance to meet other parents who support the same cause and have had a similar experience to ours.

12. Visit a museum or botanical garden - We are members of the botanical garden and the primary museum in our area because they are great places to visit with our little one. Because of that, I get their emails and both do events occasionally in the evening for adults. These are fun events to support local institutions and see some of our favorite spots in a new light.

13. Do Something Artsy - Wine & Design, Paint Pottery, etc.- Many towns have a local pottery painting or wine & design store where you can go be artsy together as a couple. The staff are generally prepared for people who have no artistic talent, and so it is fun for everyone. I like taking our son to do artsy things, but I always want to do it myself with the time to be detail oriented when completing my project.

14. Check out your local art gallery - spend time walking around and actually discussing the art. Pair this with a nice dinner out and you can end your evening feeling a little more cultured than you did at the start of the evening.

15. Have a picnic - Find a local park that would be lovely to spend time in the evening and pack a picnic. My community has some amazing parks, and I am content to sit outside with my husband and picnic while watching the world go by and having a conversation. (Though this one might have to wait until spring in many places.)

16. Find a local festival or community event - One evening last summer my husband and I went to this random festival I had found online happening in our community. I didn't really know what to expect, but we ended up having a great time. Many cities regularly have festivals and events that are fun to go to with kids, but sometimes are even more fun without.

17. Dinner and axe throwing - Not sure when Axe throwing became a thing, but it apparently is - our city has multiple venues to throw axes. We have never done this, but I have always wanted to. Mix it up and throw some axes with your spouse one night.

18. Find a speakeasy - A number of cities now have bars that resemble an old-fashioned speakeasy. The one where I live is awesome. I had to make a reservation and they emailed me the location and the password. Once there, we were in a tiny bar with excellent staff and a generally fun environment. We had some of the best cocktails I have ever had there as well.

19. College Sports Event - Division 1 schools with large, successful programs are fun. I have been to a number of these and I always have a great time. But so are small D2 and D3 sporting events at smaller schools. For these events, the tickets tend to be much cheaper or free and they try hard to show the crowd a good time.

20. Local Theatre Production - And we have come full circle. My husband and I had a great time at our local theatre's production of Clue last night. It's a great way to support the arts in your local community and try something different for date night.

I really encourage you and your significant other to find a way to have a date night. We all need to have time away from kids and build our relationships outside of our children. I personally like to experience a wide variety of date nights and I hope this list maybe gave you an idea... just in time for Valentine's Day.