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This week is infertility awareness week and this is a common issue that I myself have struggled with as well as many of my friends. Despite infertility being a common problem, I believe it is not talked about enough.
Infertility is defined as a woman being unable to get pregnant after one year (or longer) of unprotected sex. Almost 20% of couples struggle with infertility. Infertility is an issue for both men and women and so both contribute to a couple's struggle with infertility.
This issue is extremely important to me because it is something my husband and I struggled with, though we were luckier than many. Additionally, I know a number of couples who also struggle with it. At this moment, two of my closest friends are undergoing or preparing for IVF treatments. The struggle with infertility can take a toll, physically, emotionally, and financially. And yet, in our society is very common for people to ask "When are you having kids?" or "Are you planning to have more kids?" or "When are you having another?". And while I personally do not mind this from someone who I know, it can be incredibly painful for someone struggling through infertility.
Information:
Cause: There are many causes of infertility for both men and women. Unfortunately, doctors may not always be able to determine the issue while sometime it will be clear. There also could be multiple factors affecting infertility.
Treatment: This will depend on the cause (if one can be determined), the duration of infertility, the age of the email, and the treatment preference.
Infertility can be treated with medicine (this worked for my family, but again we were lucky!), surgery, intrauterine insemination, or assisted reproductive technology.
When to see a doctor (women):
Have been trying to get pregnant for at least a year (if under age 35)
Have been trying to get pregnant for six months of more (if over age 35)
Have irregular or absent periods
Have very painful periods
Have known fertility problems
Have been diagnosed with endometriosis or pelvic inflammatory disease
Have had multiple miscarriages
Have undergone treatment for cancer
When to see a doctor (men):
A low sperm count or other issues with sperm
A history of testicular, prostate, or sexual problems
Undergone treatment for cancer
Small testicles or swelling in the scrotum
Others in your family with infertility problems
Risk factors:
Age - fertility decreases with age
Tobacco use
Alcohol use
Being overweight
Being underweight
Exercise issues
The Cost of Infertility
Infertility can be very difficult physically, emotionally, and financially for women and families.
The financial cost: costs vary based on individuals and their treatments but the cost can certainly be prohibitive. The average cost of IVF is about $11,000 to $12,000 per treatment.
One study found that the median cost ranges from $1,182 for medications only, to $24, 373 and $38,015 for IVE and IVF donor egg groups, respectively. Estimates of costs of successful outcomes were even higher at 18 months(because it often takes multiple treatments), $61, 377 for IVF.
The cost is dependent on the clinic, but one also must be cautious of spending too little to save money (but still thousands of dollars) on IVF that is less successful than a more expensive treatment center. Be sure to go to a trusted doctor and do your research!
The physical cost:
Bruising and soreness from the injections
Nausea and vomiting
Possibility of allergic reactions
Breast tenderness
Mood swings
Fatigue
Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS)
Pregnancy complications
The emotional cost (often for both men and women, though it does affect women at higher rates):
Increased stress
Increased anxiety
Increased depression
Struggling with infertility can cause significant feelings of grief and loss for couples. Approximately 50% of women and 15% of men going through infertility treatments report that infertility is one of the most upsetting experiences of their lives.
Women of color are more likely to be blamed for their own infertility and/or having emotional pain and medical concerns that are ignored or dismissed by doctors. They are less likely to get needed support.
Talking to Someone Struggling with Infertility?
It can be hard to know what to say to someone going through infertility. But there should also be less stigma associated with infertility. So many are struggling through this and it is completely normal, though it is a very difficult experience. It is important to show compassion and kindness.
The Cedars-Sinai website, suggests the following compassionate statements:
"Infertility is so challenging, do you want to talk about it?"
"I wish you did not have to go through this."
"How are you doing? I am always here for you."
"I'm so sorry for your loss. I am bringing dinner over."
say nothing and just hug them and listen
If you are going through infertility, I am so sorry. I wish you were not going through it. You are not alone.
As a friendly reminder, this is why it is never a good idea to ask about someone's family situation. You do not know what their journey is or has been. Both of my friends going through IVF have children, so you may not know they are struggling at first glance. If someone wants to share they will, otherwise it is not your place to ask. :-)
Remember Mama, you are doing a great job! You got this!
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